February 2025

 February was tough. I felt like I was slogging through mud. Life felt insurmountable. It was like things were in slow motion yet at the same time coming at me faster than I could handle. I think that's how the grief and shock manifested in my life at that time.

The Monday after Ben's passing, Brian was scheduled to take his driving test for his license. It was on the very last day that his learner's permit was valid. If he didn't take and pass that test on that day, it would have been so much harder to get his license and taken a lot more time. We had planned to have him get in more practice hours in that last weekend, but of course that didn't happen. He was struggling and didn't even want to go try, but we really needed to just get it done. We pulled up to the testing center and I offered a prayer for him in the car before we went inside. Brian didn't feel prepared and it had been the hardest 3 days of his life. Heavenly Father blessed him. I know it. Brian was able to concentrate and remember what he needed during the test. He was blessed to say things to the tester that helped her grade him in the way that was needed to pass. When they came back from the test she would not stop talking about what an amazing young man he was. I hope Brian and I can remember forever the help he got that day from the Holy Ghost. I hope we both can remember the strong feelings we both felt that Heavenly Father is there. He cares. He listens to our prayers.

That same week after Ben's passing we had our big Colts are Great spirit week at school. We continued on with it to try to give some normalcy for all the kids, but it was not easy. We made it through the week and the assembly.

We also had the Sweethearts Dance that weekend. Brian went with a friend from the swim team. Timmy went with his group of friends. Luckily the DJ was fantastic and everyone enjoyed their time. It was really needed.

The Lunar New Year came and we had our friends the Davis family and the Cooke family over to make dumplings and celebrate.

Some teacher had their Homeroom class Heart Attack my classroom door. It really meant a lot to me and I will always remember that act of kindness. I needed it more than I even realized. I left it up for the rest of the school year. I still don't even know what class did it, but I am grateful for that teacher and their thoughtfulness and that they included their students in serving others.

The guys (plus a few girls) got together at the ranch for a winter airsoft battle in the snow. 

I took a picture of Pip falling asleep while watching me work at home. I just thought she was sweet peaking around the corner of the couch. She has been a comfort to me over and over through our time together.

Mark had to go to Japan for like a month starting in February for work.  There were a lot of pictures coming in of really yummy food.

At the end of the month, while Mark was in Japan, the rest of us also headed out of town. Timmy went with the school orchestra to San Diego.  They went to Sea World and Old Town and on a dinner cruise. He had a blast. I am grateful for the friends he had that also did orchestra.

Mark continued to work long hours in Japan. He was only able to squeeze in just few tourist outings.

While Mark was in Japan and Timmy was in San Diego, Brian and I packed up and headed with the CHOICE Humanitarian Jr Board to Guatemala for a week. It was all very stressful to get everything taken care of at school and home for Pip and Timmy and Brian and myself. But, in the end it was such an incredible experience for both me and Brian. I want Guatemala to be a post on it's own. Here a sneak peak as we journeyed out to the little village where we were doing work. 

Ben Salisbury Memorial Post - February 2025

On January 30, 2025 we received the most heartbreaking news. We learned of the passing of the boy's dear friend, close neighbor, school classmate and YM Quorum member, Ben Salisbury. I will be honest, I don't know if I can make it through this post. But, maybe it will help me to work through some of the hurt I feel for his family (who are all my very close friends), for Ben's friends at school, and most of all for my Brian and Timmy. It is late August now and the pain in my heart still hits so hard at times. I can't even imagine the pain his parents and siblings are dealing with. And watching Brian and Timmy feel such deep grief and sadness has been one of the most difficult things I have experienced.

Ben is Timmy's age. He lived just around the corner from us and he did not go to the neighborhood elementary school with all the other neighbors. He went further away to Springlane Elementary for the same Chinese Immersion program that Brian and Timmy were in. So, this meant that I often drove Ben to and from school from Kindergarten through 5th grade and then he rode the bus with Timmy and Brian in middle school and they all walked home together from the bus stop. It means that he was ALWAYS in Timmy's class from Kindergarten up because there was only one Chinese class. Ben and Timmy had almost the exact same class schedule starting high school this year as Freshmen. He was Timmy's homework buddy for AP Physics class. He was such a smart kid. He was with the boys at church on Sundays passing the sacrament with them. He was always with them at Young Men's activities and youth conferences and campouts. He had just been called as the Teacher's Quorum President and asked Timmy to be his First Counselor. He loved to have big birthday parties every July and he would always invite both Brian and Timmy. Ben was a big part of their lives. His passing has affected us deeply.

I want a place to remember the experiences with Ben. The following photos are of just some of the times he was a part of our lives. Of course there were so many other times not in photos, but I am glad we have some photos to help us remember him and time with him.

This is at Timmy's Kindergarten Valentine's party. Timmy is in the blue and white stripes and Ben in the green shirt with white stripes. Ben's mom and I were the parent helpers at that party. She and I worked together often volunteering in Ben and Timmy's class.

This was the Fun Run Fundraiser at school. Timmy is on the left, then Knox and then Ben.

First day of school. This is Ben, Knox and Timmy. They were like the three amigos for a few years.

This was a picture I took for some primary thing. Ben was the best little singer in primary. He and Timmy would get up to shenanigans sometimes, but they both always had the best answers to questions and sang their hearts out.

Ben enjoyed our farm and would come over see the animals and be with the boys.

He and the boys would go roller blading sometimes. It looks like he bladed over here to see the goats one day with his sister.

Ben loved having friends over for parties and activities. I think this was some funny activity for his birthday. Timmy is wrapping him like a mummy.

Ben loved to laugh and Timmy often made him laugh. Even in this picture at Ben's baptism, he is looking at Timmy, probably laughing at something Timmy said or did.

Cub Scouts was still a thing when they were younger. They had lots of fun times together.

Timmy and Ben were together everyday at school and had fun at school events.

It looks like Ben really raked in the awards at the awards assembly. Timmy and Knox are admiring his loot I think.

Another fun Ben birthday party. This time at the trampoline park.

Then they moved on from elementary to middle school, joining the other neighborhood kids that went to the other elementary school and walked together to the bus stop. This was the first day of school while waiting for the bus. Brian was in eighth grade and Nick, Timmy and Ben are in sixth.

Then Timmy and Ben aged into Young Men's and the good times together continued on.

I am so grateful for our Bishop and YM leaders and all the boys in YM. 

I think this picture below is the last picture we have with Ben. This is Jack, Brian, Timmy and Ben after doing Baptisms for the Dead at the Taylorsville temple. Ben loved the temple. 

It was so hard to go to school the next day after hearing the news, but I am very grateful that I was there to help so many kids in shock and overwhelming pain. Many came to my room for a quiet place to be with others that knew Ben. To just sit and be together. I am grateful I was able to help Ben's mom when she wanted to invite Ben's friends over to play the games Ben loved and be together in his honor.

I am grateful we could help organize a candlelight vigil on school grounds for the community to come together to remember him and show his family how much we care. Of course Mark did so much to set up speakers and lights. It was a sweet night of remembrance and Ben's family appreciated it.

Watching the people I love hurt so much through all of this has been so incredibly difficult and it will be for a long time in the future. But, I am so grateful for what I know about this mortal life and life following. The grief I feel is deep, but the knowledge I have is deeper. I know this life is but a small moment within eternity. I know we have a Savior in Jesus Christ. I know that He gave his life so that Ben, Timmy, Brian and every single other person can live again. I have felt very strong feelings that Ben is at peace right now. That he knows and is with our Savior. I pray that I can continue to have those feelings and confirmations when the grief wells up again. I pray the boys can feel that peace again and again as well. I pray they can know of Heavenly Father's plan, His love for them, and know Jesus Christ like I know and more. We are so blessed to have the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ during our time on earth.

To Ben,

We love you and we miss you. We are grateful to have had you part of our lives for so many years. Thank you for all the love, friendship, laughter, and fun. We will remember you always in this life and we look forward to seeing you after. You have inspired us to be better and do better. Until we meet again.